Well cousin, someone's practically giving away 5 acres in Colorado
Looks like I just stumbled onto something prettier than a truck stop waitress bringing you free pie. We're talking 5.19 acres of pure Colorado mountain country that's priced cheaper than gas station sushi on clearance.
Now before you go thinking this is some kinda BS sales pitch like them fellas pushing timeshares at the mall, let me tell you something straight up - this land's going for $7,110 when similar spots are selling for $11,000+. That's like finding a perfectly good mullet wig at Goodwill for half price, kemosabe.
Why This Land's Cooler Than The Other Side of the Pillow
Let me paint you a picture here... You got yourself:
-5.19 acres of "do whatever the hell you want" land
-Views of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains (that's Spanish for "damn nice scenery")
-Night sky so clear you can see satellites and probably some aliens too
-Zero HOA Karens telling you your RV's an eyesore
-Hunting...
-Hunting grounds where elk and mule deer just walk right up like "hey neighbor"
-15 minutes from Sanchez Reservoir (fish are practically jumping in the boat)
And get this - the elevation's over 8,000 feet. That means when everyone else is sweating like a sinner in church during summer, you're up there needing a jacket at night. That's beautiful, man.
"But Chris, I Got Bad Credit From That Incident With The Jet Ski Rental Business"
Dude, I hear ya. Life happens. Maybe you invested in that pyramid scheme selling energy drinks to cats. Maybe you forgot to pay that Blockbuster late fee and it went to collections. Don't matter one lick.
Here's the deal that's sweeter than gas station coffee with extra sugar:
Option 1: Cash Money - $7,110 + $250 for the paperwork (cheaper than my cousin Earl's bail last month)
Option 2: The "Even-My-Brother-Can-Afford-This" Plan
$99 down (that's like 3 tanks of gas nowadays)
$178 a month for 60 months
NO credit check (they don't care if you owe money to your ex-wife's lawyer)
NO interest (unlike that payday loan place by the liquor store)
EVERYONE qualifies (even that guy who thinks the moon landing was fake)
"What Am I Gonna Do With 5 Acres?"
Brother, that's like asking what you're gonna do with freedom. Here's just a taste:
-Park your RV and live like them Instagram vanlife people (but without the pretentious coffee)
-Build yourself a cabin where nobody can hear you practice your guitar at 3 AM
-Set up a shooting range (because America)
-Hunt on YOUR OWN LAND (no more begging farmer Johnson for permission)
-Start that UFO landing pad you've been sketching on napkins
-Or just sit in a lawn chair drinking beer and flipping off city life
The point is, it's YOUR land. You wanna paint rocks and sell 'em as pet rocks? Go for it. Wanna dig for buried treasure? Knock yourself out. Life's a garden, dig it?
Location, Location, and... Uh... Location
This ain't some swampland in Florida or desert in Nevada where you need a camel to visit. Nope, this beauty's sitting pretty in Costilla County with:
12 miles to Fort Garland (they got a Dollar General AND a gas station)
35 miles to Alamosa (that's the big city with a Walmart)
40 miles to Great Sand Dunes National Park (looks like Mars but with better parking)
GPS: 37.30486, -105.45011 (for you tech-savvy types)
Access is via Modoc Ave - it's a dirt road, but shoot, if my 1987 Dodge can make it hauling a trailer full of empty beer cans, your vehicle will be just fine.
The Part Where I Blow Your Mind Like A M-80 in A Mailbox
Annual taxes? $128.56. That's less than what I spent on scratch-offs last Tuesday. You probably lose more than that in your couch cushions every year.
No flood zone either - unless Noah builds another ark, you're high and dry at 8,000+ feet.
Estate Residential zoning means you can do pretty much whatever tickles your fancy (within reason - no nuclear reactors or dinosaur cloning facilities).
"But Chris, What If I Change My Mind?"
Look cousin, Simpli Acres ain't like them sketchy dudes selling speakers out of a van. They got:
- 30-day money-back guarantee (try getting that from your tattoo artist)
- Over 100 happy customers this year (more satisfied folks than a buffet on Sunday)
- Simple paperwork (easier to understand than IKEA instructions)
- No hidden fees lurking like a snake in tall grass
Here's Where The Rubber Meets The Road
This land's priced to move faster than gossip at a church social. While you're sitting there hemming and hawing, some other fella's gonna swoop in and grab YOUR 5 acres.
You know what separates the people living their dreams from the people talking about their dreams? One phone call, that's what.
So here's what you're gonna do:
Call or text Simpli Acres right now at (512) 764-1805
Tell 'em you want that 5.19-acres in Costilla County. They'll send you photos, drone footage, and everything else faster than you can say "property ownership."
Message 'em... click the green Send Message button if you're more of a typer than a talker.
I'm Curious... What's the first thing you're gonna do when you're standing on YOUR OWN 5 acres looking at them mountains? Build a fort? Yell at the top of your lungs? Finally learn to play the bagpipes without noise complaints?
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